My Marriage Plan

No, I’m not actually getting married. I just had an interesting dream about it a few days ago. Quite frightening, I admit, but I found it rather appealing.

In the dream I was at my present age, 19 years old. I was still studying, and I had a boyfriend (I can’t remember who it was). Somehow, in the dream, me and my boyfriend had decided to get married, yes, at the age of 19 and still a student. But at the end of the dream, I panicked, suddenly became aware that I was so far from ready to be a wife, and the whole plan of getting married so soon frightened me.

At a ready-to-be-proposed situation (the whole thing had been settled: from the date of ijab kabul to the souvenir for the party), I decided to cancel the marriage. My parents were both disappointed and relieved, and they supported me. But meanwhile, my boyfriend was very disappointed. Maybe he was so keen on having me as his wife =D, or maybe it was about dealing with a shocking change.

Funny, huh? It made me wondered:
1. Why did I have that dream?
2. What will a real marriage life be like?

For question number 1, I think I have a reasonable answer. Getting close to the age of 20, I think deep in my deepest soul, I’ve started thinking about finding the “one” who will accompany me ‘til the end of my life. The thought of the possibility of having a “wrong” person as a life partner can be quite terrifying. What if the man I once saw wonderful turn out to be a possessive, wife-controller psychopath? Or he is a horrifying masochist who enjoys threatening and abusing his partner for his own sexual pleasure?? Okay, I’m being paranoid. Well, my point is, what if my husband is not the person I’d thought he was? Maybe, my deepest soul is thinking about these things, thinking too hard about them? And even my sleep got disturbed by it.

On the other hand, I like wondering about how a marriage life will be like. The idea of being devoted to one man and having him as your soul mate can be both exciting and frightening. What if I (or we) become bored of each other? What if our dreams never come true? Sometimes I can be a pro-marriage person, seeing the whole situation as a wonderful thing. But at some other times I see marriage as an unnecessary thing, since we can just have boyfriends, not a husband. But honestly, I’m a lot more of a pro-marriage person.

Gee, hasn’t this post been a heavy, unimportant self-centered argumentation? I should stop thinking too much about this x). But hey, it’s just me, a romance and drama sucker who loves love stories, but only when they’re not cheesy.

And hey, it’s my blog, anyway. =)