huaaaaaaahhh..........

makes me curious, what kind of future will i live in? it's killing me.

well, as a final-year high school student i'm suffering this dilemma of not (yet) knowing what would i do in my future life. to be precise, this 'future' starts in a year, considering that i will be a college student next year. and the problem is i haven't decided where to go for the study! i've been wanting to study in FKUI (Med School of the University of Indonesia) for the past two years, since i have this personal desire to work as a social worker or someone who serves the country in the direct way, such as the health business (not that the other kinds of business aren't serving the country, i just meant that doctors or medical workers do their jobs directly to their targets of this suffering country).

but i'm so afraid that my dream will only be a dream.. i'm not the smartest girl in the whole school or even in my class, and i don't have that particular expertise in passing most of the school exams just like my boyfriend has, hahaha in fact i got some exam remedials (that's the way my school curriculum goes: there's a passing grade for all exams and we can do remedials if our grade doesn't pass) at the last exam..

not that i haven't been trying... i studied hard, you know. (here goes the whining) ok stop it! too, i have taken a course for the SPMB preparation, which was called BTA. this course holds three tryouts every semester, and we've done the first one around last September. my grade was 37%,, and FYI the passing grade of FKUI last year was 65%. isn't that pretty close?? hahaha...talking about being sarcastic. but it's only the first tryout!!! i still got about a year to study for that 28% gap, right!? hahaha...

i'm having difficulty in choosing my second option for the SPMB, really. it's like my ONLY option is to become a doctor, but it's punching me in the head thinking that the struggle in studying in that school is really, really hard. my mother's friend's daughter told me mam that her life has become something that sounded like studying-life. she has to study everyday, unless she will be far behind her friends (NO!!!). oh god, can i do that??? i'm not that diligent student that study every night or a study-freak....

WHAT SHOULD I DO?? it's becoming stressful, really.. i'll be writing about this again in no time,, hahaha...

Assalamu'alaikum!!

Hehe.. still remember me? bet u've forgotten that i've got this blog here.... yes, toopanic4you.blogspot.com is back!! with the new layout, new concept, but unfortunately still the same author... :D

hmm... my life have not changed much,, but there's one tiny difference effecting my life hugely now.. well as some of you know i was member of the Student Council in my school, where i got the job as Second Secretary. there were 16 of us working together for my school and the whole school community, and i really enjoyed doing my work! hehe though i almost got no leisure time for myself, remembering that i also got my 'obligations' as a student. =(

but our working days has ended, at last... on September 26th we gave our final report of the past year programs to our supervisor PK and DPO, and to my relief, it went so well and we didn't get any big problems,, yay!! :D and two days later on the 28th we gave our seats to our juniors, who will replace us as the members of the Student Council... it was both happy and sad moment,, *sob* we really hope they will do better than us and serve the best for the whole school. Keep the spirit PO XLI!!!

and my life has changed pretty much ever since. i don't have to go to the Council Room every breaktime, and i don't have to write those LETTERS anymore,, hahaha.... but i misssss those tiiiimmeeeee..!!!!! *sob sob* i think i got that syndrome of not having the old habits anymore... hehehe...

but it was one hell of a year!!! PO eXtraLarge,, i loveeeeeeee u guys!!!!! :)))